Archive | 12:05 pm


12 Jan

Oh where to begin with my life these last few snowdays?

I went dumpster diving for a mattress, road bareback through the snow like a warrior princess in narnia, got much too drunk, slapped a hot guy across the face out of reflex for touching my feet, took my mom to the hospital for surgery & lucky me my moms anesthesiologist is my ex boyfriends dad! My mom told the nurse I couldn’t come bck & I threw a raging fit to get back there only to die. She was like “I tried to spare you dumbass”. So now I smell like dead bourbon, my legs are killing me from marching in the snow, & I will soon have a very loopy & sawed into mommy to take care of.

I need my own sitcom.